And you thought we would have a April fools event!

Item Name: Derp Gun of all things Derp
Item Type: CANNON!
Description: A really big hand held Cannon

Image:

Abilities:

Strengths:

• UNGODLY AMOUNTS OF DAMAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!
  
• Bravado.
  

Weaknesses:

• Insurmountable moments of complete and utter derp resulting in bodily harm of the unintended.
  
• WORST ACCURACY IN THE HISTORY OF SQUIRRELS!
  
• Very high amounts of faaaaaayul!
  

Rather unassuming, aren't they, these little fuzzy dice? But there is more to them than meets the eye, simply roll them and let the chaos ensue.
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1st ability: This ability can be used twice before going on cooldown, but if it is used, then the second ability goes on cooldown as well. The second ability cannot be used between the two uses of this ability. Roll a single standard die. You can designate the target as yourself, or designate the target by flinging a seemingly harmless bolt of energy at it following standard projectile speeds and rules of the user's rank. Even if the spell misses and hits say, a building, the building will then take the effects of the die roll. See below for the effects of the single roll.

1- Target takes 1.5x user rank damage
2- Target heals 1.5x user rank damage
3- Kittens rain from the sky onto the target, stunning them with their adorableness and fuzz
4- Target is cleansed of all negative effects and protected from the non-damaging effects of the next spell to hit them
5- Target is no longer effected by gravity for 3 posts.
6- Everything around the target, including the target, takes 1x rank damage

2nd ability: This ability puts the 1st on cooldown. Roll two standard dice. You can designate the target as yourself, or designate the target by flinging a seemingly harmless bolt of energy at it following standard projectile speeds and rules of the user's rank. Even if the spell misses and hits say, a building, the building will then take the effects of the die roll. See below for the effects of the double roll.

2 (Snek eyes)- Target takes 2x user rank damage
3- Kittens rain from the sky onto the target, stunning them for 1 post with adorableness and fuzz.
4- Target is no longer effected by gravity for 3 posts
5- Target is warped back to wherever they were two posts ago.
6- Target takes 1x user rank damage
7- All animate things, living, undead, constructs, anything that may count as an ally or an enemy to the target, including the target itself, is shifted 3.141593653 meters to their left. If this would leave them inside a wall of some sort, they will instead be shifted to their right. If they would still be in a wall, it will shift forward, then back. If the target would wind up in a wall no matter which direction they are shifted, then they are not shifted, but all walls within 3.141593653 meters are immediately erased from existence.
8- Target heals 1x user rank in damage
9- Target is warped forward in time, disappearing entirely for the remainder of the post. NPCs return the next time the user posts, PCs reappear on their own post.
10- Target has gravity completely reversed for them and their belongings for two posts, but effectively have floor they will land on and can move around on 3 meters above the ground, so they won't fall upwards indefinitely.
11- Target is cleansed of all negative non-damaging effects and is immune to the non-damaging effects of the next spell that hits them.
12- Target heals 2x user rank damage.

Supreme Potatonator:

Appearance:

This extremely powerful magitech potato gun is feared by all who see it. Like all potato guns, it is capable of firing normal potatos, but this particular potato gun fires them at such velocity that they are able to deal lethal damage, granting the user ranged weapon attacks. These attacks deal the weapon bonus damage at a range of up to 25 meters. What makes this weapon truly fearsome, however, are the magical specialty potatoes it can fire.

Abilities:

Multiple Independently Targetable Reentry Potatoes (MIRP):
The user of the Supreme Potatonator fires a 'tater straight into the air at immense speed. Once airborne, the potato reaches the edges of Earthland's atmosphere before a targeting uplink signal is sent by the gun to give information on nearby enemies. Once targeting is complete, the potato splits into up to six parts, one for each of the six nearest targets to the user. On the next post, the six magical potato parts rain down from the sky, dealing spell damage equal to the user's rank to each target.

Tater Storm
The user braces the potato gun on his or her hip and unleashes a storm of potatoes from the gun easily capable of cutting down multiple opponents. The targeting systems of the Supreme Potatonator assist the user in their deadly potato sweep. The user deals spell rank damage each post to everything in a 30 degree cone in front of him/her and slows everything caught in the hail of potatoes by 50%. The user can maintain this suppressive fire for up to three posts, but is slowed by 25% and cannot cast any spells while laying down the tater storm.