My name is Gracie and I swore once upon a time to never make an intro on here, and I guess I've completed one other thing in life aside from getting to A Rank before I die. Never got to drink, do drugs, travel to all seven continents, get married, publish a book, or raise my children.
I'm often called Leah, but you may know me better as Leahndr Aspont or Lark. And I need to tell you guys something before it's too late. Call me a drama queen. And say I have something long stuck up my arse several times in a row and then add jk jk to render it all a joke, but I'm serious. More serious than I've been my whole life.
I have leukemia, and it's been that way for... well, it's actually so stupid because I know it's so bad already but I haven't even known about it for a month. I was told flat out that my prognosis is basically that I'm going to be dead within less than six months, which I'm grateful for, the straightforwardness, but at the same time I hate her so much. And I hate everything about stupid leukemia and most of all I hate how now it seems to be trying to define my life. I wanted to go to a real college, hell, I got accepted to Northwestern and now? Now I'm dying. At least my parents won't have to try to help me pay for that expensive shit and I know my college fund would never be wasted, but somehow it sure feels like that to me. I never thought I was a bad person until I was dying, because my family is pouring in money to waste on fighting my own cells and they should be saving it for something besides an extra week or two with a girl who's already dead. And I did mean it when I said I would invite you to my funeral, Sal, if I could, but my mother already planned it out with me. Some mother daughter bonding time before we can't any more. We're going to have the perfect music and a beautiful speech, and you're in England anyway.
So here's to you all. Everyone I know is praying for me and for these expensive treatments to work so they can pay more money for the hope that a dead girl can have a little more time. But I've made my peace (even though that's a god damn lie I need to believe it) and I pray for them at night instead of for me.
This message is coming a lot earlier than I ever wanted, but it's because I'm being transferred to a new hospital. All these doctors are always coming up with new things to try. I guess they're doing their job but it almost feels like the world is making fun of me. And it makes me tired, real tired, but even though I know how much I cost I'm still selfishly staying alive for now. Even though I can't run and skate and do everything that made me feel alive. I can read and write and think and pray and talk, but it feels like I'm just being stupid, writing essays and working my way through online assignments. Especially when I worry about them and think, who the hell am I and what am I trying to pull, pretending to be a normal student? There's nothing special about dying, but it's a long and stupid process sometimes. You need a lawyer for a proper will, and you talk to too many insurance people and well wishers who you love but can't stand to be around because you just know they're healthy and they can walk around and they have a future.
As to why I'm writing this and writing a will, for the first I owe it to you all to tell you why I cannot be here anymore. I ran out of time but what I spent on this site was just beautiful, and so thank you and I cannot apologize enough for leaving. I'm sorry. As for why I'm writing a will, I guess it's because I'm trying to get control of a small part of my life when it feels like everything is so beyond my control. I want to choose something for once. I chose to participate in clinical trials and be a human guinea pig so hopefully other people can actually get cured some day and not just wait to die because it's too late.
You all are so talented. So beautiful, with good character. Please make this world a better place. Do it. I beg you.
I love you all. I will pray for you until I die.
Yours in faith,
Grace
To Aura I leave 100,000 jewels and the returned half of lacrima milk which you may or may not want, but thank you so much.
To Mashyuu I leave my legendary + item because it is from the last job we did together. And I leave my thanks, all of my thanks for helping me not to go insane in this past month.
To Vulkan I leave a hope,
And to Salrynn I leave an apology and forgiveness in the same breath.
To Astrid I leave laughter, and kindness, because you make me laugh. Not made
To Hero I leave something exciting and hope the best, because life is too short for anything else.
To Iza, Jiyu, Raiza, Marshy, and Julius, I leave my patience and gratitude for yours
To Ursala and Suna I leave my joy and naivety from a first group thread
I leave my voice to Shohei. My voice and all that it carries, and I forgo that one wish she promised me
To Aioai, I leave my blessing
To Elyx, I leave my happiness (not all of it boi, not until I'm dead, but as much as I can give) because one small conversation in the chat box somehow made my day ^.^
To Aiyana I leave my time, thank you for yours
To Gisen I leave my awe and my grace, you make me feel welcomed
To my sister... I live through you and I leave you everything else, thank you for giving up the computer so I could use it for the rest of my days. That sounds so depressing. I'm not dead yet, but you shine so bright.
To Golden Phoenix, I leave my trumpet and YouTube links and my list of announcements and songs
But for all of you at FT-RP, I leave everyone my love, prayers, and good luck.
I've put my heart into my writing here, and it has been fun. I always looked forward to all your posts.
I am so sorry for the abandoned threads. I should have said this all sooner, it is unfair to you. I just wanted to pretend that I was normal and everything was going to be okay.
Stay safe and take care. Ave atque vale, to be fancy so I don't cry.