I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesn't even matter
It never changed. The ceiling of his apartment. No matter how much he stared at it lately, it was the same basic panel of white. Unmoving. Maybe there was more dust now, considering he had turned the cleaner away the past few days. He wanted to be alone. To wallow in his own mess like the piece of shit he really was. To soak in his own self-loathing because that was all he deserved.
He fucked up.
He was still, fucking it up.
But it couldn't be helped... that message... those pictures. They had broken him. Any hope that he could have had a happy ever after with the girl he had so hopelessly fallen for was gone. She was alive. This he knew, but seeing her in that state was an all too vivid reminder of what he'd been through, and the dangers of the world he would be pulling her into if they chose to be together. He couldn't do this, expose her to the toxic cesspool that was his life. His family was a danger to her. He was a danger to her.
The timing of all of it had been so utterly tragic; First, his mother had visited. Good ol' Maggie Dagger, popping in to visit her eldest son for a check-in. One might assume it would be for a catch-up but it was not. With her visit came a warning. They had seen the gossip columns and heard sightings of the pair together. Of course, they had been watching, he never doubted that they would be, but them caring enough that his own mother, who only spoke to him in only the most minimalist manner a mother could have, would come to his actual home just to break it to him. To give him a cool, brutal truth that was no doubt pushed forward by the revelation that was Pandora's pregnancy.
They were putting it all on him.
More so than they were already, he was to take up the front lines as the face of the family. The family events and social meetings that he had escaped from due to his work with Hidden Blades were no longer enough, he would now have to come forward as one of the faces of the Dagger family and show the world their glory.
A glory that Sivvy wasn't a part of. His mother had certainly pushed that fact. They weren't going to accept her, and if he chose to bring her into their lives. He would have to face the consequences. Even so, he'd been willing to call their bluff, to say fuck you to his parents and do it anyway. He would've.
But those messages...
The first thing he'd thought when he received them was to blame his family, to assume that they had done it as a means to control him. And if it wasn't bad enough the sheer rage and pain that had overcome him had caused something ... even more terrifying to happen. Morte had seized the opportunity and claimed Art's mind. Three days of blank space now resided in his mind and when he came to, he was lying on his shower floor, blood spiralling down his drain, specks of it lingering on his face, arms and chest.
It had been the Commander that contacted him, left him a voicemail letting him know that Sivvy was alive and suggesting he come to Amber Island to see her. But he hadn't gone... and now so much time had passed. He couldn't go. He couldn't put her in any more danger. And now he lay on the sofa of his living room, staring at his shitty white ceiling.
Everything was so fucked.
WC: 620 Tag: @Sivvy