Unruly Summons

Cillian was sweating. A lot.

He was trying to think of the last time he’d had to run this much. It had been a while. Despite his lean figure and the six pack on his stomach, he was almost deathly out of shape. Or at least, he sounded like it. Cillian stopped to lean against a tree, wheezing heavily as he gulped down air. His lungs felt like they were on fire, which was impressive since he didn’t usually feel any pain whatsoever.

A chunk of bark just above his head exploded, causing him to yelp. “Oh, come on!” He started running again, huffing and puffing the whole way. Another chunk of tree sprayed into shrapnel as he ran past it. “What the hell, Butch?!”

A bit behind him was a literal walking skeleton that was giving him chase. It was wearing a dark trenchcoat and cowboy hat, looking like a veritable villain out of some old western movie. There was still some skin on his skeletal form, but it was grey and sagging, half rotted off his face. In his hand was a revolver that he was using to shoot at Cillian, despite the fact that he was one of the necromancer’s summons.

“What’sa matter, boy?” the undead creature called after him after taking another shot.

“What’s the ma-- you’re trying to kill me!”

“Yeah, but it ain’t like yer gonna stay dead. Just hold still, damnit! I’m tryin’ to test this new ammo!”

Cillian did not hold still. Finding a larger tree, he ducked behind it. “Damnit, Butch, I’m not your guinea pig! Go find an animal to shoot at! You’re supposed to obey me, you know!”

Well, that got a cackle out of the zombie. “Obey ye? That ain’t the contract we agreed on. Besides, we both know how I got like this: You experimentin’ on my dead body with yer fancy voodoo magics. Turn around is fair play!”

“That is not what I was doing..!”

It definitely was.

Really, there was no reason to be running from Butch. It wasn’t like Cillian could die, so by all logic he should have been able to just let the skeleton launch a few rounds into him and call it a day, but Butch had a pretty big personality. He liked to pick on Cillian, and almost constantly gave the mage a hard time whenever he was around. They got along pretty well despite this, but sometimes the zombie liked to have a bit of sport at Cillian’s expense.

“Why don’t ye come on out from where yer hidin’? This will be over real quick like, I promise.”

It was time for a distraction. “Moxie!” The ground in front of him churned and raised until another zombie crawled out of the dirt to stand before him. This one was a woman whose flesh was mostly still intact. She had short hair that was buzzed off on the sides, and her face was stained with the dripping makeup she’d been wearing when she died. The clothes on her body left little to the imagination.

Calmly, she stood there and took a cigarette out of her pocket, lighting it up and taking a long drag before giving Cillian a smile. “What can I do for you, sugar?”

“Your boyfriend is shooting at me again. Could you please go deal with him?”

Moxie chuckled a bit. “Sure thing, sweetie. Don’t you worry, I’ll distract him for you.” She gave him an affectionate pinch on his cheek like he was some kind of grandchild begging for candy. Then, she stepped out from behind the tree and started walking back toward the other zombie. “Butch, baby, why don’t you put that piece away and come give a girl a good time?”

“That you, Moxie? That sly devil. He sure knows my weaknesses, don’t he?”

Cillian peeked out from where he was hiding to watch as the two undeads embraced and got a bit fresh with each other. It was sight that likely would have grossed out anyone that wasn’t Cillian himself, two rotting animated corpses making out like a couple of teenagers under the high school football bleachers. He was used to it by now, though, and he’d take this over Butch constantly shooting at him any day.

As Moxie worked her charm over the the skeleton, slipping her cigarette into his mouth and whispering what were probably a lot of dirty promises into his ear, Cillian saw his chance to sneak off. He slipped out from behind the tree and started trying to make his way deeper into the woods, tip toeing to be as silent as possible.

That was when his head exploded.

For a brief minute, everything went black and there was nothing but the ringing in his ears. Cillian sighed to himself.

“We’ve really got to stop meeting like this.” He turned around to see Death standing behind him with a slight smirk on her face. “I’m impressed, actually. You managed to go a whole few months without dying. I was starting to think you were avoiding me.”

He managed to grin at her. “Why would I ever avoid a pretty lady such as yourself?”

She snorted. “Flatterer. Well, back you go.”

The last he saw of the reaper she was waving him an amused goodbye before he suddenly gasped and sat upright, back in the forest. Butch and Moxie were hovering over him, the former cackling like a mad man while Moxie smirked gave him a hand up. “I think my charm is starting to wear off, Cilli. You may have to find another way to deal with him in the future.”

“Now don’t you go worryin’ yer pretty little head, woman. Them feminine wiles of yours is always gonna work on me, but I ain’t no one trick pony. I can flirt and fire my gun.”

“Apparently,” Cillian muttered, taking Moxie’s hand and letting her help him up. “Alright, you’ve had your fun slugger. Go bother someone else.” With one last cackle, Butch dropped into the ground and disappeared, returning to the afterlife where he resided when Cillian wasn’t using him. “There are days I really regret finding his corpse,” the human muttered, shaking his head.

Moxie chuckled. “He’s a bit of a showman, but you know he cares about you. No one else is allowed to pick on you like he does.”

The necromancer snorted, trying to make it sound annoyed but really he was a mused despite himself. “He sure has a weird way of showing it. Ah, well. Thanks for your help anyway, Mox.”

“Sure thing, honey. You take care of yourself.” With a final wink, she also dropped into the ground and Cillian was alone once more.

“Damn zombies,” he said with a smirk, shaking his head. He brushed the dirt off his clothes and sauntered back into town.