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    Lore of Metal

    DebonairOcelot7
    DebonairOcelot7

    Player 
    Lineage : Lawmage's Word
    Position : None
    Posts : 12
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Age : 25
    Experience : 0

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Lore of Metal
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Lore of Metal Empty Lore of Metal

    Post by DebonairOcelot7 31st May 2020, 7:32 am

    Lore of Metal Lore+of+metal

    Magic

    Magic Name: Lore of Metal
    Magic Type: Ancient Magic Solitary Benefit of +50% to damage
    Description:
    As the name suggest, it is a ancient magic focused around Metal. It allows its user to detect, manipulate, transmutate, conjure and control metals. This includes but is not limited to: Heating the metal up, changing one metal into another, changing the form of the metal, controlling the metal temperature, transmuting metal into another metal and telekinesis on metals.
    Unique Abilities:

    • Ability 1: Golden Rule:
      “Gold… it’s the most royal of all metals”
      The flesh of the user slowly turns golden. Granting 5% resistance to damage from physical, cold and fire sources per rank in the ability. Due to flesh being metal, electricity based damage deals 5% more damage, per rank of the ability.
      Each time the Ability gets stronger (with each rank), both resistance and vulnerability increases by 5%.



    • Ability 2:
    • Ability 3:




    Spells

    Statless D rank:

    D rank:


    Advanced D rank:


    Last edited by DebonairOcelot7 on 5th June 2020, 2:52 am; edited 3 times in total
    Ahote
    Ahote

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    Lineage : Gold Rush
    Position : -
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    Cosmic Coins : 10
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    Age : 21
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    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Forbidden Flame Arts
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Lore of Metal Empty Re: Lore of Metal

    Post by Ahote 31st May 2020, 8:59 am

    Heya, Debonair! I'm Ahote, your grader today. You can see the changes you need to make in my edits, which will be in this color, and once you've made the changes, you can reply to this thread and bump it by telling me you've made the edits.
    DebonairOcelot7 wrote:
    Spoiler:


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    DebonairOcelot7
    DebonairOcelot7

    Player 
    Lineage : Lawmage's Word
    Position : None
    Posts : 12
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Age : 25
    Experience : 0

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Lore of Metal
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Lore of Metal Empty Re: Lore of Metal

    Post by DebonairOcelot7 31st May 2020, 9:09 am

    (As this is an active UA, I must ask that you provide a duration, speed, and range with both speed and range being "Burst." Additionally, as your ability is categorized as defensive, you will need to not only provide durability in the form of a value, but your values must follow the ones listed in the Tables & FAQ's under "Normal Spell Durability Table", not armor, and that durability is limited to 2x rank damage in durability as opposed to 3x, as this ability costs no MP to cast. Finally, please clearly specify what you are regenerating, whether it's MP or HP, and provide a numerical value to represent that. Also, please clearly specify what you're regenerating, as you cannot have the regeneration of a shield.)


    I actually wanted it to be a passive effect, as his body slowly starts to turn into gold over the time as he gains strenght. He has no control over it, it just happens as his power grows.





    (You have listed these spells as statless, but both of them are fully equipped with stats. I highly recommend you either make them statless, or change the spoiler tag name.)

    That I can do, I actually first made those stats then thought about making it statless but people said I can keep the stats. I'll just remove those stats.


    Ahote
    Ahote

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    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Lore of Metal Empty Re: Lore of Metal

    Post by Ahote 1st June 2020, 9:33 pm

    DebonairOcelot7 wrote: (As this is an active UA, I must ask that you provide a duration, speed, and range with both speed and range being "Burst." Additionally, as your ability is categorized as defensive, you will need to not only provide durability in the form of a value, but your values must follow the ones listed in the Tables & FAQ's under "Normal Spell Durability Table", not armor, and that durability is limited to 2x rank damage in durability as opposed to 3x, as this ability costs no MP to cast. Finally, please clearly specify what you are regenerating, whether it's MP or HP, and provide a numerical value to represent that. Also, please clearly specify what you're regenerating, as you cannot have the regeneration of a shield.)


    I actually wanted it to be a passive effect, as his body slowly starts to turn into gold over the time as he gains strenght. He has no control over it, it just happens as his power grows.

    @DebonairOcelot7 Unfortunately, while the intention may have been for it to function as a passive, unique abilities and spells cannot contain effects with durations or damage/durability/healing. You will have to make the changes or rework this ability entirely for it to function as a passive.

    Spoiler:


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    DebonairOcelot7
    DebonairOcelot7

    Player 
    Lineage : Lawmage's Word
    Position : None
    Posts : 12
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Age : 25
    Experience : 0

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Lore of Metal
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Lore of Metal Empty Re: Lore of Metal

    Post by DebonairOcelot7 2nd June 2020, 12:59 am

    Ahote wrote:Unfortunately, while the intention may have been for it to function as a passive, unique abilities and spells cannot contain effects with durations or damage/durability/healing. You will have to make the changes or rework this ability entirely for it to function as a passive.

    Ok then.

    Since I still want to keep the whole flesh to gold thing for my character, and I want it to have some sort effect, what about this change

    [*]Ability 1: Golden Rule:
    “Gold… it’s the most royal of all metals”
    The body of the user slowly turns into gold as they gain power. Though those golden parts still act like flesh, as they can move freely, slowly heal from injuries and work like normal body parts, they are much more resilient to cuts and bruises than skin granting it's user extra resistance to physical strikes as well as fire and cold based magic, but increases damage taken by lightning.

    And let's say on rank D it's like 5% dmg reduction. Getting extra 5% every time my character reaches new rank up to S rank when it caps.
    Ahote
    Ahote

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    Lineage : Gold Rush
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    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Forbidden Flame Arts
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Lore of Metal Empty Re: Lore of Metal

    Post by Ahote 3rd June 2020, 5:52 am

    Spoiler:


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    DebonairOcelot7
    DebonairOcelot7

    Player 
    Lineage : Lawmage's Word
    Position : None
    Posts : 12
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Age : 25
    Experience : 0

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Lore of Metal
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Lore of Metal Empty Re: Lore of Metal

    Post by DebonairOcelot7 3rd June 2020, 12:39 pm

    Ahote wrote:
    Spoiler:


    Like I said, 5% resistance from damage, and 5% increase from electricity when my character is at rank D. Increasing by 5% each the the uniqe ability also gets stronger up to rank S.

    It's isn't direct heal, I just meant that if his golden body part is hurt, his wounds on it regenerate slower, outside of combat scenarios. It's like a flavor text or something. The only effect this ability has is extra resistance.
    Ahote
    Ahote

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    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Lore of Metal Empty Re: Lore of Metal

    Post by Ahote 4th June 2020, 6:26 pm

    Spoiler:


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    DebonairOcelot7
    DebonairOcelot7

    Player 
    Lineage : Lawmage's Word
    Position : None
    Posts : 12
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Age : 25
    Experience : 0

    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Lore of Metal
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Lore of Metal Empty Re: Lore of Metal

    Post by DebonairOcelot7 5th June 2020, 2:53 am

    Ok I changed it. I also ditched the flavor text so it woill be easier to understand what I mean.
    Ahote
    Ahote

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    Character Sheet
    First Skill: Forbidden Flame Arts
    Second Skill:
    Third Skill:

    Lore of Metal Empty Re: Lore of Metal

    Post by Ahote 10th June 2020, 8:31 am

    Lore of Metal YIu4Ldy
    Spoiler:


    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Nessa Cordelia Lux
    Nessa Cordelia Lux

    Starlight Maiden


    Starlight Maiden

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    Lore of Metal Empty Re: Lore of Metal

    Post by Nessa Cordelia Lux 25th August 2020, 5:37 am

    Spoiler:

    Lore of Metal Inac_s10


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    Lore of Metal 60582_s


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