Nothing But A Sallow Heart | Closed |

WHEN I HATE THE WORLD

HATE THE RICH, HATE THE HAPPY, HATE THE COMPLACENT, NATURE LOVERS, BEER DRINKERS, THE SATISFIED ONES. BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN BE ALL THOSE LITTLE HATEFUL THINGS AND THEN I HATE MYSELF FOR REALIZING THAT. BE SAFE, BE SAFE.

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It was three in the morning; the moon hung pale in the listless dark, night sky. She couldn't sleep. She had been here before, her and the occasional, unreasonable insomnia. It was a date, they knew each other well, but she wished she didn't. As many times as she was woken up in the dark and couldn't sleep back, it felt horrible and she never really got used to that feeling.

It’s a horrible, ugly hour to wake up, not yet morning, not quite night. Nobody plans to be awake at this hour, unless they have no choice. Opening her eyes by just a millimeter, the emerald orbs of her eyes could see the darkness intermingled with thin strands of moonlight pour into the room.... Room, why did it feel like she wasn't meant to be here? It was the familiar room within the confines of the citadel of Savage Skull- a home she was used to, but it felt out of place for some damned reason. She couldn't put much thought into it though....

For she was shocked out of her sleep by the loss of breath. She anxiously gasped for another breath and it felt as though someone has punched her hard in the chest and there was a severe loss of air. This was the most startling way anyone could ever wake up. She did wake up, pulling for air as if a heavy brick was sitting on her chest, and the weight was unbearable; her eyes opened wide in the darkness, staring at the ceiling high above with no real purpose. Her lungs felt tight, exhausted, and tense, and for a brief moment she actually thought she could die. Although it is a brief, barely perceptible moment; it is amazing how many morbid thoughts can fit into a few seconds. You think of death and dying, who you would leave behind, and how it would happen. The white-haired woman had thought of her own funeral often in such moments in the past. She knew that in her calmer moments this was not a realistic line of thought, but at three AM the mind takes a gander at places it probably shouldn't. She was alone in the room, like always. What if she couldn't pull that next breath of air in?

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath to assure herself of the ability of her lungs, repeating the word relax over and over until it becomes a mantra in that cursed night, 'Doesn't help. I'm fucked up.' She tried to focus on her breathing, feeling silly as if she was practicing Lamaze without being pregnant. With every intake of breath she could feel her heart beat a little faster, just like the condition before a sharp fever; when you feel hot, sweaty and cold at the same time. To be honest, she felt clammy and wet and just plain-disgusting. Feeling gross, she wanted to peel her own skin off and shed anything that felt uncomfortable. he woman finally pulled the blankets on and cuddled up for some sort of comfort, but as she reached out to pull the piece of clothing around her, a terrible pain shot through her joints, causing her to shut her eyes tighter; not even daring to look at the cause of it. She just wanted to go back to sleep and stop feeling so damned miserable. She ended up kicking them off a few minutes later anyways, inducing another shot of pure pain; but not being able to handle the feeling of being stuffy and hot under the blankets. She still didn't open her eyes. Defiant and stubborn forever.

She did feel like she was drowning, and once again, couldn't catch her breath. A feeling as though every muscle across her body is black and blue and constricted. To put it in short, achy and cold. Her very bones were rubbing against each other and she could feel it in every joint. Never knowing that everything could hurt even your pinky finger, but it can and does. There was a lack of lubrication, nothing to help her joints move freely and easily. If this pain had a sound, the female could only imagine it to sound like metal rubbing against metal, loud, painful and screeching. She just wanted to lull herself back to sleep, but pain did’t like the sound of it. Her eyes lids fluttered and teared with exhaustion. She tried to stretch her limbs in hopes that it would hint at her muscles to relax. But, she felt like she was pulling tight plastic rubber bands and everything was sore, "What's even happening?" She mumbled in a croaked voice, feeling stale saliva on her lips and pangs and waves of pain roll through her with the slightest of movements.

"Aedre. You're awake?" The utterance of her name caused the agonized female to open her eyes furtively and turn her body to the side of the bed from where the towering, but familiar shadow loomed over her, "Hm?" She questioned with that single sound, observing the humanoid-eagle standing next to her through the curtain of her snow-white bangs.

"You've been sleeping for a good stretch of two days, now that's a feat that got me worried..." Orel spoke, his voice as assuring as it always had been, "... But, now that you are up, you should tell me how you feel; since your answer determines my next set of actions."

"What? What actions?" Aedre questioned back, her face burying itself into the mess of sheets and pillows around her; thus muffling her voice by a fair bit. It seemed as if she had developed a strong allergy to light itself.

"I don't have much time for your cross-examining questions, just let me in on your condition already. Is there something different that you feel... ignoring all the pain, that is." The eagle's voice was grave and the Slayer knew that those keys of sound held a matter of importance.

"Can't put it into words, its difficult, but--- empty... should do it. Its unsettling, enough to make me feel vulnerable and scared to my very bones. Its happened before, I've felt this same thing before... many years ago, perhaps. Can't really put my finger on when though. Stuff feels blurry. Nevermind, that's not really the answer you're looking for---" Aedre spoke, but wasn't allowed to continue any further, as her sentence was cut off in the middle with the barging in of her avian friend's monologue, "That's pretty much the answer I'm looking for. Now, just do one last thing for me, try using your magic. The slightest use of it, I don't care- just a shadow of its presence. Show it."

His order caused the lady to raise up an eyebrow, her expression demanding a reason for his strange request, but the shake of Orel's head convinced her otherwise. He was really in some deep and serious mood. So, sighing a bit, she raised up her right hand in the air, her eyes registering the presence of several band-aids it. Just that vision brought back scenes from that cavern, the poisonous darts, the faces of the twins. She shrugged off the misery tugging at her mind though, while trying to conjure a small orb of water in the palm of her hand; a simple parlour trick. But.... it wasn't working. No matter how much Aedre focused, nothing showed up- except an understanding nod from Orel, that is.

"Its just as I suspected... Well, on any note, sleep soundly for another hour--- if you can. I need to make some arrangements." The avian ordered, walking towards the window and placing his leg on the silt, all ready to take off.

But Aedre was bewildered, absolutely clueless and it was not a state that she could accept to be in. The white-haired female jerked her body up in a sitting position, ignorant of all the pang of pain that shot across her entire body, "Wait, what? Where are you going? Orel--- answer me, what arrangements are you talking about?" She questioned helplessly, while her heart wouldn't stop hammering out of fear. She was sure that in that empty room, anyone could hear that bundle of muscles in her chest.

"Lie down, rest, I say. I'll answer all your questions once I get back. But be patient for another hour. This is a question of your benefit and you future; and I'm not allowed to risk either of that." And with those words, the eagle flew off into the brilliant night sky, leaving a scared woman behind- a woman who was no longer capable of grasping the situation she was in. All she knew was that she trusted the bird.

Without another word, she pushed herself back into the warm bed, clothed in nothing but her pajamas... 'How did I even get into these?' Her mind mused, while she let her fingers discover all the band-aids and medication that ran even on her stomach; contemplating at that second that the avian was the one who got her into the clothing. But, unlike any other female, the thought of nakedness didn't even bother her; after all, Orel was privy to so many secrets of her life, she didn't care if it extended to physical stuff as well. Not to mention, she had numerous other matters muddling her mind right now.

So, there she laid, a being with a sore, sick body and a troubled mind.

WHEN I HATE THE WORLD

HATE THE RICH, HATE THE HAPPY, HATE THE COMPLACENT, NATURE LOVERS, BEER DRINKERS, THE SATISFIED ONES. BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN BE ALL THOSE LITTLE HATEFUL THINGS AND THEN I HATE MYSELF FOR REALIZING THAT. BE SAFE, BE SAFE.

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TAGGED

NOTES

The window slid open with the sound of oiled metal sliding and then clicking into place; causing the white-haired woman to roll over on the bed and support herself up on her elbows, "Yes, now you're explaining yourself." She stated, her voice a flat melody, her eyes boring into the humanoid avian's figure that leaned itself on a nearby table. Orel's hands were folded across his chest, observing the mess of a lady on the bed; as he nodded softly with an earnest look in the blood-red eyes of his.

"Let's begin with the Seven Generals, a group of demons, albeit in human forms from the demonic realm; so yes, you were privy to Greed's true origins." Orel spoke, causing Aedre to gasp lightly, remensicing the encounter with the sly purple-haired man. No doubt, he was the one who twisted her for the longest time- yet left her with the slightest harm. Not to mention, he made her reflect the choices that she'd made till date.

"I'll also point out that he hid almost nothing from you, even things that he actually should've- if we are to consider the creed of the Seven Generals." The avian mused, which brought forth a scrunch of eyebrows from the woman, "Not really... He spoke of forbiddens, whatever that is and didn't bother explaining--- not to mention that he poofed out the soldiers and Garms that Harrigan sent with me. I still don't know where those morons are." Lamented Aedre, as she let her elbows slip out from under her and fall flat with her face into the pillows, "Also, how do you even know about the Seven Generals, Orel? You weren't there with me, but you seem to know more than me. That's disturbing."

"Ha! I expected that question from you, guess I can't hide much from you-"
"- Not true, really. I know that you hide things. You have your secrets and you only let me know when its time. The only way your act is not good is because you fail to hide that you're hiding something. You're a bad liar, but have a strong control of yourself... Don't let yourself fall under the assumption that you're the only one who learnt things about the other person from all the time that we got to know each other."
"Oh no, I can't make that grave mistake of underestimating you." The eagle chortled, making Aedre pull her face back up and lie facing his figure near the table. She didn't find the comment funny, "The thing you're forgetting is how good it can feel when you finally let secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're in the open, like it or not. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore.... But, the problem with secrets is that when you think you're in control, you're not."
"Oh, that's very nice and all, but my dutied come before personal comfort, Aedre."
"What duties?"
"Well.... let's see, that's a secret too."
The reply made the woman pout in an act of fake-disdain, while the eagle took no notice of it, continuing as if the conversation hadn't happened in the first place, "The forbiddens, are a set of three random powers that are assorted to the seven Generals and can only be used once against one person. So, that should explain why Greed and Sloth were able to use a few tricks that had no relation to their real abilities."
"Mhm, and what about the soldiers, Mr. Know-It-All?"
"Oh, well, they didn't last much long against Gluttony-- before you question, yes, another one of the Generals. And regarding about where he and his other two mates are, well, let's say, we'll meet them some day. For sure." By the end of that sentence, the avian looked out of the window, where it was still night, but surely the sun was going to perch up in a few moments. There was this dreamy, contemplating look in that posture, one that assured Aedre that her trusted friend wouldn't let her in on his so-called secrets; no matter how hard she tried. He was fighting a battle with his own self and that was enough to bother the white-haired woman as well.
"So, can you tell me why and where you went just now?" She questioned meekly, wanting to break the ice of silence that had encompassed them in such a short while. Despite of the understanding that her benefit laid in the concealment of information, she couldn't keep her curiosity held back to the extent that Orel really wanted her to. After leaving the Crawford household, she had left behind the no questions asked attitude, as the wish to no longer be a victim had etched itself into the veins of her heart.
"Ah, almost forgot about that." The humanoid bird replied, as he walked back to Aedre's cupboard and pulled open the doors mercilessly, shuffling through the mess of clothes within it and then opening up a drawer. After what seemed like a couple of minutes, he found whatever he was looking for and threw it all across the room, on the bed, with some precise talent. As the thin envelope fell on the sheets and almost slid down to the floor, Aedre grabbed it up with a flurry of her arms, "What's--- oh, my passport. What about this?" She questioned, her gaze returning back to rest on Orel.
"We're going to Pergrande."
"Huh?.... Why?"
"For your training."
"..........." The look on Aedre's face at that perfect moment was priceless. Utter confusion.
"You haven't figured this out yet, have you? You no longer have the power of the seas. The poison from those darts not only numbed muscles, but corrupted your internal magic source too. No wonder you can't do even a small trick with your powers."
A gasp escaped the woman's lips, a bare look of fear taking over her face; did that mean she won't be able to use magic.... ever again? And before she could verbalize that morbid thought, Orel spoke up, "No, before you get there--- no. You can use magic, but just not your current one. The way your body attuned to your father's powers has been distorted; so we need to find a new power, a new road, that's all. And I know you're not new to brand new roads.... yeah?"
She gulped, "And what about-"
"-He's fine with it. What do you think I did when I flew out of here a while ago? He's the one who suggested Pergrande. There's someone he trusts very much, within the walls of that wretched kingdom."

A sigh issued from her lips, as her turbulent soul settled on the quivering boat of the eagle's assuring words. She was not completely calm, yet not quite muddled.
'Life's crazy.'