Crowlee Gets a Cheap Phone!

The splendidly successful Crowlee returned from his brief visit to Hargeon Port with a brand new passport, now granting him permission to travel the entirety of Earthland and beyond without hindrance. “How does that work for people that want to start in other countries? Seems pretty restricting. Don’t wanna rock the boat, just making an observation as an outsider.” Crowlee decided to remark on rules and regulations, despite having only existed for such a short time and barely understanding the rules. Clearly he knew better than others that had existed for a far longer time than him. “Okay wow, this is pretty targeted so how about we just move along before you write me into a hole and then change my character to a nice girl. Get it? Because you lack muse and want--”

Crowlee suddenly forgot what thought he was going on about, blinking wondrously at the sky before remembering he had far more important tasks to accomplish. “Okay so what’s next on the list of requirements for newbies… it looks like I need to get an iLac. Oh boy; I can hear Apple’s lawyers drooling at the prospect of a lawsuit already. Also what’s with this monopoly? Where’s the Lacdroid? C’mon let’s spread our corporate wings a little bit. I bet I could make a killing if I invent and introduce a competitor. Oooh I can hear the fake money piling up already.” With a hair-brained scheme hatched for later, Crowlee stuffed his note rag back into his pocket and snapped, warping out of the emptiness and into the Neutral Grounds. “So this place lacks… what was it? Nanobytes? Sterile surfaces? Magic pixie enzymes? Whatever makes the magic characters do magic. So they get to feel like normal people here -- like me when I go to S&M conventions.”

Musing, the ghostly demon floated through the air until he reached the industrial district, where a large sign was set up on a stand outside an open door. ‘Free iLacs’ was printed on the white-faced parchment for all to see. “They’re just givin’ away technological marvels like it’s roadside lemonade or blowjobs in a backroom? I admit it’s one hell of a marketing tool but imagine all the lost money. Also this is supposed to be a brand new creation but it’s held all day every day? I knew I should have joined that My Little Pony RPG board.”

Sighing dramatically, Crowlee floated to the ground and materialized legs so he could walk in the door. There stood a man behind a table, smile bright and wide, with a stack of boxes seated on the ground next to him. “Hey there, fella! You here to get an iLac?”

“Holy shit, don’t talk to me like I’m some child and you’re a predator trying to lure me into a van. Have a little tact. Though I suppose you’re writing him like this, aren’t you?” Crowlee asked, glancing skyward.

The man was confused. “The man was confused. Brilliant deduction there, Holmes,” the ghost demon remarked as he walked up and snatched a box. “Do yourself a favor. Pray to whatever god you have that I’m ending your useless, one shot existence for the sake of renegade points.”

The man blinked. “What are you--?” But before he could finish, a massive black and green spider dropped down from the ceiling and grabbed him. The vendor screamed as the monstrosity sunk its fangs into his leg and dragged him up into the rafters, its legs already descending to grab and stab into him.

“Boom, renegade points gained. Suck on that, Bioware.”