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    The bounds of heartbreak

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    Ariphoenix

    1 Year Anniversary- Player -
    Lineage : Demonic Carnage
    Position : None
    Posts : 37
    Guild : Black Rose
    Cosmic Coins : 0
    Dungeon Tokens : 0
    Age : 31
    Experience : 31.25

    The bounds of heartbreak

    Post by Ariphoenix on 5th September 2015, 12:43 am

    She had been wandering.
    That was obvious for anyone who had seen the teal haired girl.
    Just what had brought on this wandering? Why was she alone? Why did she have a cloth wrapped so tight around her neck? All those questions could be answered, if anyone spent the time to ask. Who would with the look in her eyes? Not just the appearance of her actual eyes, but the eye tattoos that were visible. They all seemed to be in a lost state, one that if someone asked, they might die.

    She even had started some rumors just by wandering like she had. She was clad in just a cloak really, a cloak and seemingly some underwear, not that anyone really knew. She sold her clothing long ago for food. She had settled on taking what she found now. This place, Talona, it was a good place for someone who was lost. Just what caused it though? That was the big question that most asked.

    It happened several months ago, after she had started dating the Guild master, probably. She did not know why, but she worried so much over it. Now it was obvious, that she was just played. She wanted nothing more than to leave that place, she found she had no place in it, not for her heart, not for her situation. The place was too close to the forest, and her father and mother. She had seen her father the day she was dumped. She was in shock, but she knew it, she knew she was not worthy of such things. Why would woman take her? She did not know. She stayed out that night, she found a party to go to, and she danced the night away. When she woke up that morning, passed out in such a group of people, she realized she needed to get away. She needed to escape with just what she had. She covered the tattoo she had that day, she sold her clothing for a simple cloak and a scarf. She did not need people looking at her body, she was not worth looking at.

    She started on the first boat that she came across, and went as far as she could from the bounty hunting Black Rose guild. Why should someone like her live there? Or work for them? They did not need her, it was obvious. She had no talent for magic, or anything else that they required for their people. She had seen her replacement, she could not hold a candle to her. She had nothing to her name really, so she just disappeared. Why not? She was useful for cooking and cleaning, but there were always new members to take up the deficit she left. She had tried to find her way to stand out, but no one had brought that on for her. No place recognized her, no person. She just was. She felt things were wrong, and she needed to find herself, but she wore out all her mental faculties. Just who was she supposed to become?

    She found wandering groups to immerse herself in, she found ways to get food when she needed it, and to sleep, she always found places she could keep covered by, things like large trees, bridges, the works. She moved to where she would not likely get caught in the worst weather, it kind of helped to have her lineage from her mother. She managed to find comfort and such in physical activity. She would keep herself busy by building things, and doing other such odd jobs. She was not weak. She just found that she had no need for possessions. Why should she have such things, when they would just tie her down.

    When she needed to bathe, she would find herself a pool or pond or stream somewhere. When she needed to be near people, she went to Talona, and just sat in an alleyway. Why not? It was the best way for someone who was akin to both being alive and dead to be. She did not draw attention, why should she? She was hidden anyways. She watched many things from her hidden positions, such as people during a parade, a revolution, adventurers on a quest. They were all things that she could not comprehend. She did not need to either, she just needed to acknowledge such things. She was not someone who fit in this world.

    So she watched it from with in.

    Studying people, accepting what they did, helping when she needed to but not staying long. She was a rumor. Her hair had gotten so much longer in her time away. She did not have any emotional attachments, so her hair was great for covering her when she was rarely noticed. Probably added to the rumors and urban legends that she was some sort of Specter. Why should it not either, she did not really understand why people thought she was such? Was it the pale skin? Was it the eyes that looked on, with out hope, happiness or guiding light? Just why should she not let them count her as a specter of the dead. She really did not know why she should just point out she was still alive, and had a name.

    She fought herself daily. She needed the loneliness, it suited her. She was a worthless doll, who was used and thrown away, probably because she would not put out. She did not feel anything, so why should she have a heart? She felt the sadness, but did not acknowledge it. It was not something important to someone who was now no more than a beggar, and a hand for odd jobs. She did not even do guild level jobs, she did the "I need help, so please help me" Types that were asked for as favors, with minimal payments. Anything to ignore the feelings of worthlessness she felt from her guild master and Ex. Why did she have to be discarded so easily? Was the guild leader just that heartless? Was she the type to just ignore someone's existence when she got what she wanted? That seemed likely.

    Still, what was Jato to do these days? She had been in this state for months. Jato Minerva, rogue daughter of a Dryad and a Policeman. Member or Ex Member of the Guild Blackrose. She did not really know. She did not know if she even cared. She needed to just keep going. She did not even have any other ties to the guild really, she felt like she had been invisible. Maybe she was. That could be the case, could it not? She wished she could do magic of some sort, maybe she would be noticeable then? Still, Magic did not seem to flow from her. With out Magic nor Weapon, jobs were not very plentiful, and most jobs did not look favorably on a lone girl, not when there were groups to take them on and make sure they got done properly. That may be another reason for this state for her.

    She would stand up, and start walking. She headed for the outside gates of the city. She needed to move. She wanted to find a good place to lay down and watch the stars from. It was getting late anyways. She slipped out the gates as she got close, not bothering to take any time to slow down. She ran along the roads till she found a decent sized hill, and made her way up it, before setting down her cloak. She would then practice martial strikes. A Punch here, a kick there, just simple movements. She needed to keep in shape, and be prepared, a single girl walking along the roads and out in the wild, she was likely a target for bandits. She did not want to harm people, or even creatures. Not unless it was needed, but a good punch pulled at the last second can scare people.

    She would do such exercises till night fall, and then lay on her cloak. There was not much else for her to do, as she stared at the stars on such a quiet night. She pulled the small amount of food she had from her job two days ago. It was stale, but it was better than nothing. She chewed it quietly, just accepting the sound of creatures in the distance, and the stars above. The moon seemed to be missing this evening, oh well. It was not needed. The darkness suited her just well enough. Her violet eyes staring up at the heavens, she could not help but feel a tear from her eyes. Why did she have to be unable to speak to people other than to accept jobs, and complete them? Was she just a doll?

    Could it be that she did have feelings still? Was it just that deep inside, she missed being around people? No, that was not possible. She sat up, and started punching the ground under her cloak. She would not accept it. She had no need for emotions, or people, or belonging, why should she, when all it would bring is a reminder that she, in her innocence, allowed someone to play with her heart. She did not ask to be asked out, nor did she really know how to respond, she accepted because she had not a reason to decline really, did she really want it? She did not know anymore. It felt like chains were weighing her down.

    Why did she have to feel this? She doubted that the guild leader did! That's right, she would not give her the satisfaction of using her name! Even if just in her head, she wanted that person to suffer that. She was told to call her by her name, but she would not. Why should she, they were not close! She had been just a subordinate! She did not need someone with power pressuring her, especially if they could not seemingly see her!

    She felt the tears start up more. She punched the ground harder. "Why! Why should I acknowledge it! Just because it was my first kiss! The first time someone had shown interest in me! A girl of some mixed blood! I was a fool! It does not count! Take it back! Take it back you jerk!" she cried out, the tears starting to fall that she had not shed. The anger, the frustration and sadness. All of it was flooding out finally. How would anyone know what was said? They would not. She was throwing a fit in an attempt to prevent it from happening, but it seemed too late, the stars had opened the flood gate with the missing sign of the moon.

    She thought back to that night. The lady had gotten naked, and then clung to her in her sleep. She had kissed Jato, she had asked her out, she had made her her plaything. She could not trust it. She did not want to accept that she had been used, that she had allowed it. How was it that she was to know it would end up in heartbreak. She did not like feeling bitter like this, who ever ended up being her love next would die before breaking up with her. She swore this in her mind. She would not give up on love just because of that jerk of a woman who did not even have that good of a body. Who needed her anyways! She was not really that interesting, just some person with too much time and ego and charisma.

    Jato's cries of anguish turned into laughter, albeit psychotic laughter. "That is true, why did I even think she was worth anything, if she was, I would not have been asked, no, the next time my heart flutters, who ever causes it will have me, or die!" she declared, the look in her eyes telling a different tale. She was broken in mind. She was feeling the need to be clingy. She needed to find someone to have as her own, not to use, but to be with till they died. That would make it all better, would it not? She was young, so it was not like she was going to be alone for long, if she showed a little skin, and flirted a little, she might be able to claim the heart of some young maiden. What if she has other suitors though? She could try to make them no longer interested... Could she do it with out killing them? She did not know.

    She smiled brightly. "Maybe I could coerce them to avoid violence? If that does not work, there are plenty of non painful ways to kill someone" she declared gleefully as she continued to laugh till she finally laid back down. She wiped the tears from her eyes. "Stupid stars... always treating me like this..." she would mutter, as she would close her eyes. She had to find a way through life, but what should she do in the morning? She could find another job to do? She could try to kidnap someone, or be kidnapped by someone? Wait, that last idea makes no sense, she was a wandering bum, why would anyone kidnap her? Hmm, she could seek out someone, form a partnership, and use them for help getting back to her feet... still why would anyone give her the time of day?

    Hmm, she had so many questions, but not enough consciousness to get answers. She would have to seek those in the morning. She yawned and nuzzled up into her cloak, pulling it over her. She liked the tree that was near her, being used as a pillow, the trunk of it was. It was not that soft, but she did not have a soft pillow anyways. She would make due of course. She slowed her breathing, and felt her heartbeat slow, as she drifted to sleep. For the first time in ages, her dreams were not plague with the feeling of being a puppet on a string. It felt more like she was entered a world of doors, the potential were endless.

    She could find herself a new start somewhere, she could try to return, and just ignore everyone as she sought power, but how would a powerless person do that? She could leave the guild and seek a new guild or be guild less. She could always seek a monster commune somewhere. That could be fun. She was not exactly the average human girl anyways. Still, what else could she do? She could start a life as a shopkeeper, if she could find the means for it, or some other kind of business owner. She could become a traveling performer, she had the looks for it. She just did not know of any talent she might have for it.

    Maybe she could be a wandering messenger, she could take parcels and packages across the world easily enough. She did not need to ever actually get herself to stay anywhere for long if she did not need to, and never had to stop as long as she found more packages to deliver and letters to give. That could be fun when she thought about it. Maybe she could do that for a time till she figure out what she needed to do for herself? She could not even remember her dreams now. She just knew that part of it was not to be lonely...

      Current date/time is 21st July 2018, 9:50 pm