When the woman opposite to him offered her reassuring response to the ardent-haired man, he couldn't prevent the onset of a warm smile. Indeed, the prospect of sharing his life with her, as she had put it, was a thought that was more than welcome to Johann, even if that did include the unsightly parts. After all, he was certain that he could accept her in her entirety, and that obviously included her past. He would pause for a single moment, a second passing as he took a breath and his thoughts went silent before resuming, the small break in the trail of words that fluttered through his mind serving to remind him of the time that had gone by. They had come so far together. Much had happened, and he was confident that the path towards the future would continue to be filled with events, though he couldn't suppress the twinge of happiness that seemed to distract him. He was glad that she would be there, in fact, even if hardships would wait for him, for his endeavors, he would look forward to them based on the fact that she would be by her side. This feeling of warmth, of acceptance, of comfort, he wouldn't wish to trade for anything else. His smile would widen slightly more still.
That feeling, of course, extended to her hands within his own. He shook his head. He knew that apologies wouldn't get him very far, but there was little else he felt he could do in this situation, the reflexive urge to respond in the manner he had getting the better of him. "Well, in that case, I have no choice but to thank you for your trust, Amalie", the man would reply, the warm smile and a corresponding tone still on his expression. His eyes were shut momentarily as he spoke, the man waving his other hand as if in silent dismissal, his other palm intertwining with that of the blue-haired woman. His gaze would wander once more, eyes lifting towards hers with the intent of meeting her gaze anew. Still, when she began to continue, her words somewhat different from the way she had spoken before, Johann's smile would slowly fade, his expression steadily shifting to the practiced stoicism he had displayed before, although his eyes carried a glimmer of stern strictness within them.
He did not like speaking about the things that had occurred in his past. Amalie was right, it was much easier to bury all of the misery, all of the pain and anger in the days that had long gone by, but he knew that those emotions still seeped through the cracks in plentiful qualities, distorting the otherwise calm and focussed mindset of the Ambassador. He knew that he had never dealt with, much less accepted the things that had happened. He thought about it briefly, his gaze shifting to the table before him once more. He could feel his eyes glaze over for but a brief instance, a slight shimmer within them as he held back the emotions that instinctually overcame him, pushing them back as he had so many times before. With the next blink, a simple, small motion of his eyelids, the shimmer, along with those same emotions, was gone.
"I appreciate your concern-", he began, somewhat absent-mindedly shaking his head, though the motion appeared uncharacteristically weak, "-I really do, but ... it's a complicated matter. I don't really know what to tell you, much less where to begin". He didn't know what the woman knew or what she had heard, apart from what he had personally told her. "My ... burdens, as you say-", his voice grew unsteady, shaky at the mention of the word "burden" for but a single moment, and so quickly was that moment over that most without a finer perception would undoubtedly miss it, though it was unmistakably there, "-they lie so far in the past that I don't really know what to make of them. I don't wish to trouble you with old business, but ... I'm sure it would begin to explain some things about my person, would it not?". He knew that Amalie wouldn't pry or pursue the matter further if she sensed that talking about it would only serve to hurt the man, he could guess that much and she had said so herself, after all, but he felt like he owed her honesty after she had explained to him the things that troubled her, and he was determined to return that favor and answer any question truthfully. The man would ignore the constricting feeling that wrapped around his ribcage and coiled around his throat, trying to pay the sensation no mind.
"I'm sure you noticed that I don't particularly appreciate my family, for instance, no? There is a reason for that, beyond the simple fact that I just cannot seem to get along with them, of course. I can ... I mean, I will explain it to you, if you would like to know how matters progressed to this point". Still unsure over whether or not he would really possess the strength to lay open his entire being before someone else, the story that affected him not as the God of Ishgar or Ambassador of Dies Irae, but transformed him back into nothing more than a hurt boy, petty and filled with seemingly unending anger. He admired her that she had done so in a fashion that made it almost seem easy, he really did, but it felt as if there was some form of barrier that simply prevented him from making the first move in that direction, and he felt bad that he made it dependent on her to make the first move in order to break down said barrier, but for the man, for the boy that was consumed by agonizing frustrations, there was simply no other way at the moment. While he had done much to forsake his humanity and acquire strength, in this moment, it seemed that it had all been for naught, the silver-haired man still being weak ... still just another human being.
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