The ceiling looks the same as ever, empty. The walls look the same as ever too, empty. This room feels just so goddamn empty…
When I look around it's dark, so very dark. The only light that I can see are the rays of light my computer monitor emit, they shoot towards the wall beside me. The monitor shows the main menu screen to a game I have spent tons of hours on. A game me and her used to play, me and my Mary. I miss her so much.
The bed im laying in is warm, it has to be I’ve been laying here for the past six hours after all. The covers are warm, I’ve also been using them for the past six hours. Six hours of rolling and squirming around on this bed, and in these covers. Yet I don’t feel warm and cozy, as I should. That’s odd, I have always felt nice laying here and I always feel at ease when I’m wrapped in my covers. This has been the same place I have always slept at, away from everything and everyone, I’ve done everything here. Me and Mary confessed to each other here. I want her back.
I need to distract myself, this is getting bad, it's been six and a half months you need to pull yourself together. Shes gone and it's your fault, all you can do now is live on and forget. This stupid world and its rules are unfair but what can I do, right? But, she told me, anyone can change the world if they tried hard enough. I need her back.
Mary, why did you leave me all alone? Why did you have to go and break my heart? What do I have to do to see you again, to talk to you again, to be with you again?
What is she doing right now anyway? It’s been forever since she’s been online on our game, and I haven’t heard from her at all. The only time I ever see anything about her is when I stalk her social media accounts. That's fine right? It's not like im hurting her, she doesn't even know. It's the only thing that makes me settle down, I can see her and feel better. Even if I could get Mary back, where would I even start.
Well Adom filling our head with this stuff isn’t going to do us any good right now, let's just play a game or something. I’m even talking to myself like I’m talking to someone else, I do need to stop with this I’m going crazy. Moving from the bed to the computer monitor that had a games main menu screen already opened, I sat down. Typing in my account information, I log on and continue on to queue up for a match. With that the hours fly by, match after match I continue to play and slowly forget about the depressing thoughts I gathered moments earlier.
One problem out and another surfaces. With the miserable thoughts about my nonexistent life with Marry, gone, the appearance of a great loss streak emerges. No one to care for me and I can’t even do what I pride myself over, life is truly unfair is it not? Hours of me playing and I haven’t won a single game, am I destined to be forever a loser living at the bottom. Under everyone, just to be stepped on and used as some tool so they can move forward? Who am I kidding, I’m giving myself too much credit, I’m not any use to anyone. Is that why Mary left me? God, now I’m thinking about her again!
This is my life. To be alone and a loser, to never have a single thing to be proud of or give me happiness. Meeting Mary has done nothing but give me false hope and forget how miserable this system the world follows is. She’s done nothing but pain me in my already painful life…
That’s not true! Am I really saying all those times she has given me were false? All those smiles, and laughs, and cries, and screams of anger. They can’t be false, not one bit. She gave me a reason to change myself and the way the world sees me.
I want to see her, my Mary. I want to be with her, my Mary. I need to be with her, my Mary.
I’m going to be with her, my Mary!
Sure it’s been six and a half months since we broke up, but I haven’t forgotten a single time we shared together be it in person or online. The same has to be for her right? She hasn’t forgotten me or any of our moments together, right? Who cares. I’m gonna get her back, I have to get her back. No matter what it costs me. But, what if she doesn’t want me back? What if she truly despises and hates me, like everyone else in the real world. She can’t, she made me smile and laugh so much, she made me feel so much. I have to have done the same for her. Stop being so hesitant Adom! You never really wanted anything in your life but this. I never really worked towards anything, and never really expected anything, except this. I’m gonna get her back, I'm going to push myself to defy this world and its unfair, messed up system. I'm done being the sacrifice people use to get ahead, I’m done taking everyone’s shit and not doing anything about it, I’m truly done with all of it if it all means I can’t be with Marry again.
Where do I start? Sure I finally found my drive to get together with Marry again, but how do I do that? It’s been about half a year, and we haven’t talked since. I’ve been stalking her social media accounts and all I know is that she’s become a wizard. Is she even an a guild? What kind of guild would she even be interested in? I have to do it that way then. To become a wizard. I knew it wasn’t gonna be easy, but I have to do it for her. For my Marry.