In late August, from numerous sources, and while under a very overwhelming period of life (very stressful and depressing beyond belief), I received countless hate messages. During this time, my shunt was broken, and I was feeling immeasurable pain. My eyes felt like they were going to explode because my epilepsy is affiliated with my hydrocephalus, and I was as pale as paper due to my anemia (affiliated with epilepsy). As you can see, with these three health conditions, receiving countless, hateful messages did not help at all. None of them were from any RP sites (including this one), but rather social networks. It made me so enraged that I just didn't trust anyone anymore, and I became just as hateful as these people were to me. They had no reason to be hateful to me just as I had no reason to be hateful to you guys. I was so enraged that I just did not understand what I was doing, and ended up unravelling a message that would definitely keep everyone out of my way for the time being: I faked my own death.
You may now be asking why I did that, and the answer is: I was a psycho. Immeasurable amounts of pain just made me want to tear everything and everyone apart, because I no longer trusted anyone, and felt hated beyond anyone's understanding. I threw a fit at everyone, cut ties with everyone personal to me for a while, and just went somewhere to be alone for a very long time. Unconsciously, I sent the same message to every place I exist on the Internet so everyone would think I'm non-existent. However, the personality I had when I sent this message to you all was far from my usual personality. It was far from my frequent persona that made the other farewell message you received on the site (when I said I was going to Harvard to attend law school).
I was completely suicidal during the time, and had no idea what to do. This was the only site that never harmed me, so I still wanted to exist on it later on. I wanted to embrace those warm feelings again, so I made an account that was made to enact my ex-girlfriend: Anita. I needed emotional help more than ever, though after realizing the unforgivable crime I committed, I knew that introducing the real me again would not help. I made endless excuse on that damned account just to evade the fact that I did, indeed, fake my own death. You people were, and still are too special for me to receive a message like this, though I must do it, anyway. I felt so scared making one account to hide this story that I made another: this one. Lie after lie; all to try and cover up an inevitable sin. The fact that I'm even acknowledging how crazy I was in the past all because of hate messages is more than humiliating to myself. I became terrified after regaining myself that my madness had brought me to commit such a sin that I planned to hide my identity forever. However, then I thought what God (the god I believe in) would think of me. I expected to go to hell knowing that I made a very large community believe I was actually dead. I was just absolutely insane. I could not control myself. All I thought was to make others miserable so I would not have to deal with their messages anymore, and I accidentally hit the site that loved me most.
Generally, because I felt so close to death myself, I went on an unbelievable hit four months ago unconsciously to make everyone believe I was dead already. I was done with the hate. I was done with the misery. I did not even know myself anymore, and went so psycho that I could not even tell what I was doing. I even required therapy to help me get through my hate problems. So, to conclude, you were all right about the biggest liar to ever step foot on your site. With this being said, I am going to tell you all about the real me:
My real name is not actually Luca Alessandro. I used that as a fake name because I was lurked online many times until I successfully gathered the information of these pests, and had them arrested. My real name is Tyler. I am a 19-year-old Canadian who is only fluent with the English language, and has not even started university yet. I am a scrawny young adult who has a history of continuous lies due to making others not feel proud of him, whatsoever. This actually existed until this very year. Whether you care about my real identity or not is up to you. I have Italian background and a little Dutch, but that's it. I am only learning Italian; that is all. It was a disorder, actually; those non-stop lies I made because countless people in my life were not proud of me. They did not show any happiness towards me, and only the hate that I described above.
I apologize as much as I possibly can to all who have suffered from my fake death. Yes, I am completely sane in the sense that I'm no longer throwing any sort of mean messages to anyone, but rather being completely honest. My family became aware of all of this just recently, and advised me to make this message, though I beat them to it. All of my family is still alive. If there was one truth through all of this madness I knew I was still giving out, it was the personality we all once shared under the name "Kichiro Yukine." Take me off of that honorary list because I am not a saint, nor honorary in any sense. I have literally screwed myself over because of an unbearable event and disorder. I literally discarded people I could imagine being brothers and sisters- or at least my best friends- because of this same event and disorder. I have nothing to hide anymore. I am done hiding. I am still saying sorry from the bottom of my heart though I still know I will not be forgiven. Why?
Because you all deserve to hear this. I will leave it up to you people whether or not all three accounts should be banned, or whether or not you will actually speak to me again. No, I am not trying my best to maintain my membership on this site, so discard that thought please. I am deserving of an IP ban because of that message, and I know it. I just want this story to be told before I find myself in this hell for an even longer time. Take note of this because I have probably pulled the biggest mistake in RP history, and need this to remain here so I further acknowledge the greatest sin I have committed, and become a better person due to the same acknowledgement.